Rape: World of Ravan and Sita?

Is every man a Ravan and every woman a Sita?  The emotional burst out today is so intense such that any statement even remotely questioning womanhood is cursed back. 

Let me put my two cents.

I never gave too much attention to rape cases earlier. I just thought them another incidence of crime. After I was blessed with a daughter, I started taking note of such events, getting worried with horrible thoughts like what if something similar happens to her. I am seen in freedom park of Bangalore more out of fear than concern. I also feel ashamed and regret all those comments which I made on girls during my college days. 

I am thinking a lot for last couple of weeks. Why rape are happening? Why acid attack? What can I do? How can I make my daughter ready to handle difficult situation? What kind of law should be there? etc etc..

I do not support capital punishment. Just award surgical castration with daily compulsory dose of aphrodisiacs and then leave the rapist free. The men, who could not keep themselves in underwear, must face such fate. But, But and But. This should be allowed to happen only  in open and shut case like delhi gang-rape. Any new law for rape should not become another tool of harassment like 498A. 

There can not be absolutely any excuse in the favor of a rapist. Not even in the case when a woman walks nude in front of a man in a completely deserted place. No reason can be a reason to rape a woman. Having said that I will try my best to teach my daughter to not to fall for imported "My Skirt My Freedom" kind of crap. Hope she understand that in the name of freedom and equality, nudity can not be justified. I do not know how India would be after 15-20 years from now, but as of today average Indian man is not used to exposed deep cleavage and popping panty lines like west. He still needs to get used to nudity. 

Hold on, do not jump on me. I do not mean to suppress woman. All I wish that woman understand how to live respectfully in a hostile world. Let me try to give a example. Having pothole-less roads is our right. But we do not get it. When we drive, we do not assume that road would be nice. We accept the reality and maneuver our vehicle so that we are safe. Similarly, you know that not every man is Ram. You go as a meat in front of man-eater, your right to live will not be respected. Either you develop self protection skills (Karate etc) or do not provoke man-eater or both.  

We need to work on character building of society . Writing about teaching your son/brother/father to respect woman would be a repetition. Plenty of reference material is out there in public domain. Yes, there is a urgent need to do that. There is also a need to charterer building of new age girls also. Gone are the days when every woman was Sita. In fact, during the time of Sita there was Suparnkha also who tried to seduce Ram and later Lakman when she could not get Ram. 

Misuse of sexuality, false cases of work-place harassment, made up accusation of rape, un-defend-able allegations of domestic violence -marital rape-impotency are not exception anymore.  In fact they are common thing. This is something to be worried for. 

Man must learn to respect woman, woman must learn to remain respectable. 

Mess up and listen

If you know that you are messing up and nobody is bothering, either others have given up or simply you are at a bad place.  

-The Last Lecture

In the first case, you may believe that people do not love you or jealous or non-cooperative etc. Do not play victim. You will victimize yourself. Accept that you have broken the trust. Accept that you didn't respond when given feedback.  Realize that you are the bottleneck to your own progress. Come out of your ego, hesitation,  low-self-esteem or whatever is stopping you; and ask for feedback. Buckle up and start all over again if needed. And yes, listen when you mess up again.

In other case, pack your bags and move to a place where you will be criticized.  Being criticized does not sound good. It hurts stiff dimension of your personality. Learn to take criticism constructively, even if it is done to you in most negative or harsh way, if it makes logical sense.  Do not analyse behavior or intent of a person who criticizes you. That would be utter waste of creative energy. Just extract 'action items' to work upon.

Observe, Learn and Move Forward...

-Subodh

Comments Welcome!

Premarital Sex: A Bitter Pill?

I was listening to a late night show on FM 104.  In this show, people call the radio jockey and share their personal stuff. Although I found this really stupid, one lady caught my attention who was sharing her story how she was betrayed by her boyfriend while she was two months pregnant. She cried and kept crying  while she mentioned how she begged to boyfriend's mom to get married. She was kicked out of house and was labelled slut. Her boyfriend was getting married with someone else and left the girl alone to make decision whether to go for medical or surgical abortion. 

I could not slept for next few hours. I kept thinking about that girl. I felt pity for her. I felt angery on her why did she slept with him. I became judgmental but could not judge what's right and what's wrong.

I read somewhere that women give sex to have love and men give love to have sex. I guess that's how men and women are designed by almighty. 

The girl must be careful and boy must be responsible.

For men, sex and love are two different things. A woman would find it hard to digest that a man can be truly in love while sleeping with other woman. Sex is just a physical experience.  Man is designed to be polygamous. Social definitions have tamed him. 

Woman loves first, then she loves a lot. And then she forgets herself in her man and sex happens. She is not a man. For her, its not a bodily experience, its peak of emotions, its spiritual. For her, sex is a way to be closest with her man, the man whom she loves. 

A man gets orgasm does not matter how he feels about the woman in bed. Woman gets orgasm when she is in love and find her love truly with her. Sex becomes attached to her soul. If she is betrayed, she goes in guilt as its horrible for her to even imagine herself sleeping with somebody else. So she fights, she curse and yes she begs too. 

If woman believes that relationship is committed, even then man must not have sex with her if he is not sure about his commitment. 

Time has changed and changing a lot & faster. One night stand are becoming acceptable. My observation may have lost its relevance already. I do not know if I have made any sense at all.  But if you fall in a category as I assumed, I repeat, the girl must be careful and boy must be responsible.

Comments welcome!